JOKES ONLY FISHOS COULD LOVE
As a kid, maybe around 5 or 6 years of age, my father used to get us to hunt for worms in the garden the night before a fishing trip. I would spend many a damp afternoon burrowing through the dark brown mud looking for worms to fill our bucket ready for the morning.
One day, I unearthed a creature I hadn’t seen before. It was long and thin like a worm but seemed to have a multitude of legs, all wriggling in unison as it flailed in the air between my grubby fingers. I threw it in the bucket anyway, my father catching out of the corner of his eye that something was amiss.
He turned to me and said in his thick English accent, “no son, that simply won’t do, it’s not an earthworm”.
I looked back at him bright-eyed with a deeply puzzled look on my face, “what planet is it from then?”.
This, like so many other fishing jokes, would be most unamusing should my work colleague spout it from the other side of our shared cubicle. But at the water’s edge, told by a veteran fisho with finely honed joke-telling skills from the years spent on the river with a willing listener, it becomes hilarious. Here are some of my personal favourites I have heard from fishos over the years.
An ice fisho in Canada had frequented his local bar before he was due to take a trip out on the ice for a spot of ice fishing. Slightly intoxicated, he stepped out onto the ice and drilled a hole. As he peered into it, a voice said to him, “there is no fish down there”.
So he moved five metres away and drilled another hole. The same deep voice boomed, “there are no fish down there either”.
He decided to try his luck a little further away, walking twenty metres from his second hole. He put his drill to the ice and poked another hole. He put his eye down to peer into the hole and once again the voice boomed even louder, “there are no fish down there either!”. Confused, the man looked to the heavens and asked, “God, Is that you?”
“No you idiot,” the voice replied, “it’s the rink manager”.
A reporter interviewed the three winners of the local fishing competition. The victors had all far exceeded previous years, setting a local record in the process. Staggered, the reporter was eager to know the secret behind their success. He asked the third-placed contestant, “Sir, what is your secret?”.
“I am a surgeon,” the man replied, “I once tried to use a human appendix as bait and discovered it was excellent for catching Australian Bass. They can’t get enough of it”. The reporter was taken aback and proceeded to the second placed contestant, wondering how she had managed to beat the surgeon.
When asked what she used as bait, the second contestant replied, “I am also a surgeon, I used adenoid glands as bait. Jungle Perch find them irresistible”.
Again the reporter was astounded. He ran to the victor of the competition who was jubilantly clutching his trophy. “Let me guess, you’re a surgeon too?” said the reporter.
“Not at all,” replied the victor. “I am a rabbi at the local synagogue. I carry out circumcisions every day…..
A mother turns to her daughter on her wedding day. “I have one piece of advice that has led to me your father’s happy marriage,” she said.
“Cook a man a fish and you can feed him for a whole day. But teach a man how to fish and you can get rid of him for the whole weekend.”
What is your favourite fishing joke, Let us know in the comments section below.