HUMOROUS LOOK AT ANNOYING CAMPSITE PERSONALITIES
Annoying people can be found in all walks of life and camping is no different, but something about having to share a toilet block with these people makes me all the more indifferent. I’ve come up with these types of people I’ve regularly met at campsites, all in good humour, of course. Mind you, they are really and they are still very annoying.
THE EQUIPMENT BOASTER
TELL TALE SIGN: Top of the range camper or tent, with an ultralight sleeping bag made from the down feathers of a virgin duck which can only be found on the northern cliff face of Mount Sinai.
The equipment boaster often approaches like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They come over to you with warm smiles and what appears to be friendly intentions. But you quickly realise they came over to boast about their gear. They don’t give you a chance to talk, even to comment that your friend has the same backpack with the solar panel on top and 10 USB ports to charge everything from your mobile to your portable camping fondue. Just ignore them and wait for them to pause for breath and make up an excuse to get them to go away.
THE SPACE INVADER
TELL TALE SIGN: These people pitch their tent far too close to yours and then spend the next few hours trying to make eye contact with you.
As soon as you lock eyes, you’re stuck. The space invader will take this as an invitation to initiate conversation and once you’ve had one conversation, they will constantly be around at yours. They don’t want to go back to their tent with their families. They will stroll onto your pitch at any excuse and then initiate conversation. They don’t care how many times you yawn and say “righto, it’s getting late mate”. Hints are lost on these people.
THE TENT-FLAP TWITCHER
TELL TALE SIGN: It is rare to get a good glimpse of a tent-flap twitcher. Sometimes you can only see their nose protruding from the tent, as they rubberneck to get a better look. But usually, the only sign of a tent-flap twitcher is a tent flap moving, ever so slightly in the breeze.
You’re walking along a cam site and you get the feeling someone is watching you. You turn around but there is nobody there, except a tent flap moves slightly in the breeze. That wasn’t a breeze, that was a tent-flap twitcher. These people watch all the comings and goings of the campsite and know everybody’s business. The best thing to do if you see one of these elusive beasts watching you from afar is to smile and wave, then continue on your way.
THE WANNABE JOHN LENNON
TELL TALE SIGN: Long hair, and a guitar.
These people should be kept off campsites. Every night the whole campsite has to hear their attempt at playing Imagine around a campfire. Teenage girls think they’re cool. The rest of the campsite wants to smash the guitar to smithereens.
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
TELL TALE SIGN: Mobile phone in hand, talking loudly in a Ralph Lauren polo shirt.
Yes, we get it, you have a high-powered job so you can’t put your phone down even when on holiday. Do you have to shout so loud that the whole campsite can hear your conversation? If you are camped next to the Wolf of Wall Street, load your kids up on smarties and give them some air horns and let them go and play outside.
So what other annoying types are out there, that you know all too well? This is all in a good a good nature and a good community spirit.